Navigating a Storm

My wife was understandably angry with our son's private school. They had no business recommending vaccines for their pupils. However, I was not happy with my wife's unilateral decision to pull our son out of school. The vaccine was a recommendation, not a mandate, and there's no reason to believe that our son will be treated badly due to our decision to keep him unvaccinated.

The best response to adverse events is not to fold nor to retreat prematurely. It's much better to stay firm as long as possible. We need to know what others are doing, and we need to influence them with our presence. That's how attrition warfare is fought, and the reason we should keep our boy in school as long as possible.

However, in the space of four months, my wife went from one extreme to the other. She was ready to take the shots in August, and ready to pull our son out of school in December. But there was no need for me to get angry with her this time around. I was prepared to have our boy at home for a while until things calmed down. There would be no great harm in it. It wasn't my preferred position, but it wasn't the worst either.

My response to my wife's December outburst was to do nothing. I didn't make any changes to any plans. I didn't talk this over with friends and family. I figured things would sort themselves out, and it turns out that I was right. My wife told me yesterday that she'd like to see our son back to school when they open in a few days, and I told her that I wholeheartedly agree.

Once again, the mechanisms of the perfect arrangement is playing out to everybody's satisfaction. My wife was allowed to make some whimsical and emotional decisions while I stood firm. I vetoed her back in August, when she was about to take the shots, and I held firm in face of her recent overreaction in the opposite direction.

The result of this is that my wife feels secure in our relationship. I set the strategy, and I correct her when she's inclined to do something counterproductive. She's free to be whimsical and impulsive because I'm at the helm of the ship, keeping it on a steady course through the storm. In the end, everybody's happy, and there's no lasting damage. On the contrary, the relationship stands all the more firm, having weathered yet another strong side-wind.

Navigating a storm

By maybe Allan C. Green or George Schutze or maybe Alexander Harper Turner - This image is available from the Our Collections of the State Library of Victoria under the Accession Number:, Public Domain, Link