No relationship is perfect. There's always someone out there that can be considered better than our spouse, and my wife will sometimes say, ironically of course, that she could have done better. To which I respond that I too could have done better. It's a bit of a running joke with us because we never deluded ourselves into thinking that we were getting into the perfect relationship to start with. We know perfectly well that there are others out there, and that they might have been even better. We've settled for above average and built our relationship on that.
The better one
So, what happens when "someone better" comes along? Do we drop everything and rush off to hook up with this other person? Or do we avoid this person for fear of temptation? Or is there perhaps room for less drastic actions?
I think a lot of people simply avoid the "better ones" so that they don't have to deal with the agony of temptation. But that's a sad strategy because it means that we deliberately avoid people who intrigue us just because we fear what is in the end a very unlikely outcome.
A better strategy is to approach these people with the genuine curiosity and enthusiasm that we have for them. This may trigger some silly fantasies. But is that really such a bad thing? It's not like we act out every fantasy we ever had. Why should this one be any different?
Acting on my curiosity
So, the other day, when I came across the woman who was everyone's darling back in high school, I decided to respond to one of her observations about life. I was curious because I thought her always the very embodiment of a happy and carefree person, yet she talked as if life had been hard on her.
One thing led to another, and pretty soon we were talking about all sorts of stuff. The thought struck me that this really is a fantastic woman. She's beautiful, full of interesting ideas, and wealthy. The hardships she's been through haven't dented her overall positive outlook on life. She's also single, and evidently ready to hook up with "the right one".
So now, what do I do? I can't continue talking to this woman behind my wife's back, because that only adds to the fantasy of eloping with her. I had to take this conversation out of the shadows, or I had to break it off.
Bringing things out in the open
Not interested in simply cutting off the conversation, I decided to let my wife know about it. But her immediate reaction was brutal. Why don't you just pack your suitcases and go? she asked. Which was odd, because I had merely stated my genuine curiosity for my old class mate. I had hardly completed my first few sentences before my wife concluded that I had found "the better one", and that I was therefore prepared to rush off at a moment's notice.
Refusing to back down on my story, I decided to up it a notch, playing along with my wife's hysteria, which of course only served to make her even more angry. But I figured I might as well stir the pot to get all the drama out in the open. I recognized her reaction for what it was, so I knew what to do about it.
The aftermath
Now that a few days have passed since the incident, things are already back to normal. I've passed the tests, and with the conversation I'm having with my former class mate out in the open, the fantasies I had are quickly fading.
I'm glad I didn't hold back in contacting my friend, and I'm glad I told my wife about it.
An opportunity to grow
I've had an interesting conversation with a woman I always admired, and my wife is now getting confirmation that I'm not going to pack my bags even when a very attractive alternative crosses my path.
None of this would have happened if I simply avoided any contact with my former school mate, which goes to prove that cowardly behavior ends up being nothing but missed opportunities. When we're faced with a challenge, especially one that intrigues us, embrace it!
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