There's a common complaint among men that women are irrational. They act on impulse without a proper strategy or plan, and this strange behavior occur in all women from time to time. There's no pattern to it, and it's unrelated to intelligence or level of education. There may be exceptions to this, but I've never known a woman that hasn't at times behaved this way.
Literature is full of musings related to this phenomenon. Religious texts discuss it at length. It's such a bewildering and destructive force that it seems to defy all logic. However, on closer scrutiny, this irrational trait has a function. There's a reason for it.
The ideal arrangement between man and woman has the man as the head of the household. There may be exceptions to this, but I've never seen an alternative that came across as happy. Women and men thrive best in households where the woman is the lady and queen, and the man is the king. This is intuitively understood even by kids, where girls want to be princesses and boys want to be protectors.
However, this arrangement comes with a danger to women. If she marries a man who's not in fact a king, or at least a prince, there's a chance that the entire household is put in danger by an error of judgment. Hence, she has to test her husband from time to time, especially when there's a major change in the household, such as a first born child.
The easiest and most direct way to test the king's resolve is by doing something irrational, and this appears to be hardwired into women. The lady of the house announces the intent to do something stupid, like having all her children vaccinated, or buying a new car on credit. She may suddenly tell her husband that she's leaving him. The list of possibilities are endless. But there's only one proper response that a man can make. He has to stand firm. He has to make it clear that whatever she has declared goes against his judgment. But he must allow her room to make her mistake if she keeps insisting. There's no point in saying no if her declared intent is to leave the household or to put herself in debt.
The worst possible responses to a woman's irrational instincts are grumpiness, self pity or pleading. Such responses are intuitively seen as weaknesses, and leads to more doubt and more tests. A firm stance is the only stance, and it must come with no sign of weakness. The man must respond rationally, and tell his wife that if she goes against his judgment, she'll regret it, not because he'll punish her but because her decision is the wrong one. Similarly, moodiness on her side must be met with stoic calm. If her grumpiness draws out in time, ask her what's the matter. But don't respond in kind. A lady can be moody from time to time, but it doesn't befit a king to behave that same way.
A firm stance by the king is invariably rewarded, so there's no reason to fear this kind of conflicts. Having tested her husband and found him to be robust, the lady becomes all the more happy and content. Firm in the knowledge that her husband will stand up to a storm, she can live her life without worry. She can leave the final decisions on various matters to him. She can talk things through with him in the knowledge that he's wise and strong. He is her king and master, and she can love him without fear.
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| Cinderella |
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