Going to Jail

If they ever come to pick me up, and haul me back to Norway to stand trial, I will ask them if they like their jobs. Do they like putting fellow men in jail for refusing to pay their salaries? Their answer will of course be yes. Everyone claims to love their job. It's a lie we all tell ourselves. Then I will ask them if they would like to work for free the next five years, because that is what they are demanding from me. The taxes I have evaded amount to five years of labor.

If their answer is yes on both counts, they prove themselves to be the psychopaths that many suspect them to be. If their answer is no, they are in effect sympathizing with me.

It's not like they will answer the questions out loud. It is not their job to explain themselves to me. I'm the one that is required to answer questions. However, the question will not fail to register with them. They cannot avoid hearing the question. What they say out loud is irrelevant. It is what happens in their mind that is of interest. If they are repeatedly faced with the plain facts, they will eventually become demoralized.

Having told them that I do not intend to work for free, I will tell them honestly that I would rather go to jail than to an office. Office life is stressful. It is not at all as pleasant and laid back as it is portrayed in popular culture. Going to jail on the other hand means free lodging and no other concern than to stay away from the bullies. There are no demanding customers to deal with. There are no great responsibilities. There are no pesky colleagues sucking up to the boss. There's just a bunch of guys having tried, and in most cases failed, to evade the system.

It's not like I will be put in jail together with murderers and rapists. There are special jails for tax evaders and fraudsters like me. Besides, Norway has one of the best prison systems in the world. The food is excellent. Every inmate has his own room, and there are all sorts of amenities. Life in prison will not be all that different from the life I lead now. I will be separated from my wife and son here in Portugal, but it will only be for a few months.

I will explain this to the prosecutors. I will tell them that I'd rather go to jail than to the office, and a few of them may silently envy me. I'm not the only one who hates office life. There might be one or two among the psychopaths who dislike their colleagues and their constant nagging, petty concerns and bragging. They may not all find sufficient pleasure in throwing people in jail to make up for the constant unease they feel from being surrounded by brutes.

By the end of what will be a short trial, the prosecutors will have been reminded of the rather obvious fact that they are surrounded by psychopaths and that their office lives are in many ways more miserable than life in jail.