The fact that the king is the visible and physical side of the household does not mean that he is somehow better than his queen. It is merely a reflection of his masculinity. He might not even be the true head of the household. It may well be the queen who owns and controls everything. But the good queen does not make any big deal out of this. She thrives under the protective wing of her king. Why point out to people that things are somehow different from what they appear? That would only serve to expose her and make her vulnerable.
A great example of this is a family I've had the pleasure of getting to know here in Portugal where I live. In charge of a small domain, and independently minded, the head of that household can properly be termed a king. He is always seated at the head of the table. Calm and deliberate in everything, he is the image of a king in harmony with God.
His wife never makes much of a fuzz about anything. She makes sure that dinner is prepared and that all the guests are properly taken care of. She sits sometimes at his side, sometimes at the other end of the table, and other times at whatever place she finds interesting company to chat with. With a good sense of humor and a sharp wit, she is always busy chatting with friends and family, but never excessively so.
It was not until quite recently that I realized that it was the queen that was in fact the true proprietor of the realm, and that the king was in large part a figurehead. To start with, I wasn't even sure who of the other people in the room the queen was. She was that discrete.
The reason for the queens discretion was not due to some sort of conditioning. The family is as modern and open minded as any. Rather, it is a great arrangement for her to have her husband take care of the physical and visible side of things. His business activities bring in a reasonable income that she administers in partnership with him.
A funny anecdote in this respect was an episode in which the queen told her king that she was going out to do some errands. He told her that she had his permission. She smiled and thanked him. Then she turned to me, as a somewhat puzzled bystander. "Not that I need his permission, but isn't it great to be both free to do whatever I want AND have his permission?"
The good queen plays this kind of games all the time, and her king plays along. It is a great partnership under any circumstance. However, it comes in particularly useful in times of unrest. While he protects and directs the household physically and visibly, she moves deceptively into and out of conflict.
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